It is the end of my christmas weekend, I had a lovely time, and I even cracked into my cream soda, I may even drink the whole bottle this year!
The eve of christmas was fairly boring I had work all afternoon in which nothing substancial happened.
I then went to midnight mass with my mum, it was weird being in church. I haven't been in a while and where I used to go often, I became one of the people that turn up to the special services.
The big day then came and I got lots of lovely presents, which I am very grateful for and will enjoy using.
However it is now the end of chirstmas- all the food has been eaten or thrown away and we feel full for days.
I do have christmas time with my dad's side of the family tomorrow, after spending the big day with my mother's side. But for me christmas is over- even before it really began.
I know that it's over because everything, as it does every year, goes back to normal. People go back to work, and we eat normal foods that don't take all day to prepare.
Today my aunt and cousin went back home. I really enjoyed my day with them, but it's always tinged with sadness because of the knowledge that they will be going back home, and there is no way of knowing for certain when I will see them again in the future.
Or will they, like me and going to church, be seen only of special occasions.
But because I love them it's hard to say goodbye everytime.
Tomorrow will be fun, but in the back of my mind there will be two family members that I feel should be there, by dad's brother and his wife. I can't remember the last time I saw them, which makes me sad- I know that thye live too far away just to pop down when they feel like, but I love them and miss them also, and will think of them tomorrow.
For me christmas is not only a time to enjoy with those that are there on the day, whether it be family or friends, but it's also a time to remember those that have passed.
I miss all of my family that have passed away, even those that I maybe didn't know very well at all- they wer still my family, still part of my past.
But there is one person I miss the most of all at christmas, and I will never ever stop missing them.
I am reminded of this person everyday, from when I first open my eyes.
I am reminded by the cuddly grey bear that I was first given when I was newborn.
Most people would say why keep the bear in sight if it hurts to remember- but for me it means that they are not forgotten, not even for one day.
This blog may be really saddening, especially not long after the christmas period, but it is important for me to remember my family always, I am who I am because of them.
And maybe next year the memories may be more faded, but they will still be part of my past, even if it is not spoken about.
So for another year, I hope everyone had a merry christmas, and will have a happy new year, and many more to come.
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