Lifetimes of Miss Maymi 1.6

I haven't had much time for my blog, the last time I was on here I was 19 years old.
I am now 20.
Thats a big number to me, a whole new decade, but a whole new bucket full of disappointment.
I fell like I have less friends, or have lost a point with some, I have made some stronger connections, but I've drifted I know, but I just don't know how to fix it, or maybbe I don't want to.
This saddens me, because it shows that life is still passing me by.
All the people I am in college with have life plans- I don't.
 4 years of college
and I am still stuck in a rut.
There is only one thing I want to do- stage management.
I  thought my desire for learning and a career was in acting, but I don't want that any more.
I did a backstage tour at the Drury Lane theatre in London a while back.
It was such an amazing chance, and while there I stood on the edge of the stage looking out across the red seating taking in the vastness of the space infront of me.  
The amazing Jonathan Goodwin said to me "wonderful isn't it"
My answer was "I can see myself looking out in 5 years time"
On reflection, was I telling him what I thought he wanted to hear, what I wanted to believe??
I actually feel depressed at college when they talk about going to uni and going to auditions, I don't want to do this, but they are all passing me by, growing as human beings. While I could be perfectly happy staying at McDonalds, and living at home!!

Scared of change?

I don't know what I want and at 20 this scares me!!

It's only 11 months till I turn 21, and will anything change by then or will life just keep passing me by??

On a good note

I am trying to change this- I have recently decided to apply for work experience at the west end shows- fingers crossed this happens soon.

I also have my CV all written up ready for the world of work in May.

I will make a difference!!